Excitement, Fear, Faith, Joy, Hope, Numb, Love

Dealing with nausea was easy knowing you were in there

Giving up much-knowing you were there

Late nights fantasizing about you growing in me

Playing with clothes dreaming of you wearing them, our little boy

Having the best 2 older sisters to play and dress up with, our little girl

Plans being made and days thinking of how you’ll be with us as we travel, 

snuggled safe between your 2 sisters.

My heart skipped a beat seeing you the first time and an instant smile knowing you were in me

Excitement for our little family of 5

Common fears and a heartbeat yearning to hear

Fear, Worry, Fear, Worry, Stress!

Uncertainty but again another time to see you, knowing you were there

Joy with answers; joy with hope for the future; joy of being your mommy

Hope for more answers

Hope for your little body growing

Hope for that sweet sound to assure you’re okay

Hope that in a few months I would prove that you’re okay

                        Love for you!  Love that I was chosen to be your   mommy.  Love-you were real and you were in there.  Love for the                   home that I started to make for you. 
                                            Love in you!!!  

I won’t hold you.  I won’t hear your little heart beat.  I won’t see your first smile.  I won’t hear your first newborn laugh.  I won’t meet you or know who you were.  I won’t have you to lay with me.  I won’t put on your clothes and you won’t play with your sisters. 

BUT we love you!  You were real!  You showed that to me.  You were there! 

You showed us what love is.  You showed us that life is too fragile to take advantage of.  You showed me an appreciation for your daddy & sisters.  You reminded me that love is all around me.  You give me hope for the future and that love does exist and love does heal the heart.  I’ll never forget you my number 3.