(Beware this is graphic and noted for my own journal. Feel free to read if you'd like)
After the doctor called and explained my miscarriage would be within a week I felt ready for this to be over. At first I was positive. Then anger set in. Not against Heavenly Father, just angry towards anything to do with baby. Then grief and tears came. And overcoming crying! Also came depression and wanting to be alone, but not from my girls & Craig. Just alone from anyone seeing me. My dear sweet friend brought me flowers & chocolate and when I saw her pull up I felt ashamed & embarrassed but I was glad after she left that she came. The few days brought a big clot about the size of 2 quarters. I had cramping but nothing too extreme. Then after that came just slow brownish bleeding. I thought these little/medium clots was all this miscarriage was going to entail. Oh man I was wrong. I had no idea what was coming ahead!!!
Christmas came and it felt good to relax at home. Jaycee had thrown up that morning so we were homebound. I honestly was feeling sooo much better and up in spirits until I called my mom and it reminded me of everything that was happening. She asked if I was having labor contractions when my clots came. I didn't really know what she was talking about.
The next day I was pretty crampy all day and so grateful for ibuprofen. We watched new movies and again a relaxing day. Then we just needed to get out!!! I felt cooped up. The girls you could tell needed out. We all got up & ready and headed to Walmart. As we were driving out I was hurting pretty bad with cramps and wished I had taken ibuprofen before we left. We were walking around and my lower back was killing me. At times I felt weak like I couldn't walk even. I was ready to be home and play some Mario Kart with D & her family and just relax again. Oh boy did the night change and no idea what was about to happen.
We got home and I had just a little plate of chips & cheese until I started feeling contractions. Hadley was born natural so of course I've felt the whole labor process so compared of a 10 I would say it was about a 5. Enough to hurt really bad but not quite the intensity. I quickly took my dinner to the table and sat on the toilet. 8:15pm There was a gush of blood and it had felt a little better. I sat there for about 25 minutes. It just felt good to sit there and let it come out. I felt done but then very sore with contractions. I came and laid on the living floor and was about in tears with pain. These were labor pains. I mean contractions for nothing--no baby! Craig and the girls just looked at me and I told Craig I just felt like I needed to push something out. After a few minutes I quickly ran back to the toilet and sat. He was so amazing and supportive. He stood and waited in the bathroom with me. He got me water. He listened. I just am so grateful he was there. I would get contractions and as they came I felt the urge to push. All that was coming out was liquid-blood-lots of it. Again the contractions, again pushing. I looked down there to see and sure enough there was something just sitting at my vagina trying to get out. I didn't want to pull it out, I just knew my body needed to do it. At the moment I didn't know what it was, all I knew is I was irritated this was taking so long and felt bad Craig just sitting there. At times I felt faint so I would lean forward. Water felt good to drink. Finally about 9:15 (one hour down) it plopped out. I kept flushing because I wanted a clean toilet for it to fall into, but that didn't happen. It was at least the size of a golf ball. It was big. It had a rough looking side with a very soft, silky side. After looking online today I know that this was the placenta & baby sack. I wanted to dig it out but Craig though I was crazy. Away it flushed.
I felt better at this point. Stood up. Within 2 minutes again here came the contractions. Again here came the pain. I need to sit again. I booked it upstairs to camp for the night. Again sat for until about 10:45 while passing lots of clots. Big ones. lots of blood. Craig put the girls to bed and then laid outside of the bathroom to be my help mate. Also he gave me a blessing of comfort which I feel so strongly that has been my strength through this. I was so tired and wanted to go to bed but there was no way I wanted to put on a pad knowing I would soak through quickly. I finally felt well enough and sat in the shower for about 30 more minutes. Passed 3 more clots and then felt so much better. Exhausted. I quickly laid in bed & cried. Sobbed. I thought of all these perfect little newborns born lately and mine just got flushed down a toilet. My toilet. Pain-no baby. It was a rough, emotional realization that yes, I was indeed pregnant. Yes, we had another child #3. No, it'll never be here with us. Craig cuddled me and away I slept into la-la land.
The next morning I woke up refreshed. Very weak but felt good. I was having slight contractions but nothing like last night. I called my mom to talk to her & also my doctor who said everything sounded normal. I was still bleeding. About one paid every 1-2 hours. I would feel a contractions and a little gush and knew when that happened I would run to the toilet with a clot & gush. My body was working hard to get all this out. I've used so much toilet paper. So many flushed toilets. Dry hands from washing. Luckily I snuck in a 20 minute nap but woke up in a lot of pain. Again contractions. No appetite. No thirst. Just want this over. Again to the bathroom I went. Again I was feeling the strong contractions but didn't have the urge to push like last night. But with these intense contractions I thought, I'm just going to push. Out another big clot that suprised me. Sigh of relief. I was feeling good from there on out. Still blood and little clots but no contractions. I feel like I'm empty and my stomach is getting back to normal. Now I guess we just wait for another week or 2 for this to taper off.
This past week I've felt so much love for my 2 girls. I've felt that maybe our family is just made for 2 kids cuz this is hard and I HATE being pregnant!!! I do know I'm not ready for this again for a while. I've loved cuddling with my Hadi and my Jaycee. They have been the loves & hugs that I've needed right now. They have been my smiles & laughter in a time that doesn't make room for them. They have given me upliftment that my body can make babies and this just was supposed to happen for some reason. They are my reason to be positive and keep being their mommy.
This past week I've also felt so much love for Craig. He's my rock. He tries so hard to take upon him my heart ache. He's been my punching bag "sorta speak" when I've been angry & said probably not-so-nice things about baby things. He's been my listening ear. He's been my best friend who understands the grief because we together made this baby. He's been my priesthood holder who worthily can speak for God to me personally. He's been my comforter who I don't feel ashamed to sob in his arms. I just know he was sent to me because we are perfect together.
My heart is full. My heart is ready to move on.
Here's a link that Craig found as I was going through this that was so helpful as I had no idea what was going to happen. I found it so helpful. http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f1794-pregnancy-loss-information-and-faqs/2497944-natural-miscarriage-what-to-expect.html
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
RESULTS!
The doctor just called....
I have what is called a blighted ovum. You can read more about it here:
http://www.webmd.com/baby/guide/blighted-ovum
So basically I chose out of different options to have my body take nature to get rid of everything. She said telling by the ultrasound, there is a lot of fluid in the uterus which is showing that my body is starting to to separate and get rid of. She said based on the U/S she would say in a week or so. Also they found that the baby is still measuring at 5w and just a few days. Which exactly what it said on 11/25 almost a month later. Technically I should be about 8 weeks or more.
I'm okay with this result. I'm glad to have an answer. I think the human body is amazing and shows that there is a Father in Heaven. He created an amazing thing! I'm glad that my body recognizes that the pregnancy wouldn't be healthy and reacts in this way. I say it's a blessing. A blessing to save heartache. I'd rather have it happen now than later. A blessing to have answers. A blessing to move on. A blessing that GOD DOESN'T DO RANDOM!!! This is all his plan.
Thank you to my amazing friends & family who have helped me through all this mess since August. I feel loved and blessed.
I have what is called a blighted ovum. You can read more about it here:
http://www.webmd.com/baby/guide/blighted-ovum
So basically I chose out of different options to have my body take nature to get rid of everything. She said telling by the ultrasound, there is a lot of fluid in the uterus which is showing that my body is starting to to separate and get rid of. She said based on the U/S she would say in a week or so. Also they found that the baby is still measuring at 5w and just a few days. Which exactly what it said on 11/25 almost a month later. Technically I should be about 8 weeks or more.
I'm okay with this result. I'm glad to have an answer. I think the human body is amazing and shows that there is a Father in Heaven. He created an amazing thing! I'm glad that my body recognizes that the pregnancy wouldn't be healthy and reacts in this way. I say it's a blessing. A blessing to save heartache. I'd rather have it happen now than later. A blessing to have answers. A blessing to move on. A blessing that GOD DOESN'T DO RANDOM!!! This is all his plan.
Thank you to my amazing friends & family who have helped me through all this mess since August. I feel loved and blessed.
Follow Up U/S 12/16
Well...the dr ended up NOT CALLING Monday OR TUESDAY....finally Wednesday!!!! Her excuse? Oh I didn't get a note to call you.
Really?!!! You need a reason to call me and follow up SINCE YOU ARE MY DOCTOR! I'm ready to get a new doctor to say the least.
She basically quickly, went over the U/S results and also that it was consistent to what she found last time. REALLY?! LAST TIME YOU TOLD ME I'M HAVING A MISCARRIAGE!!!
Then she quickly transferred me to her nurse who set up an apt to do a follow up U/S the next day. They didn't once ask my schedule. Or even if that would work. I quickly called to R/S to Monday.
The weekend brought lots of questions. Worrying. Hoping everything is okay. Assurance through the Holy Ghost that everything WOULD BE OKAY despite whatever happens. Anxiousness that I get to see something.
The U/S lasted about 20 minutes. The tech wouldn't tell me anything! She took lots of pictures. Lots of angles. But no word to me. She ended saying she'd give the results to my doctor who would call me the next day. So yet again, here we are worrying. Hoping. Questions.
Really?!!! You need a reason to call me and follow up SINCE YOU ARE MY DOCTOR! I'm ready to get a new doctor to say the least.
She basically quickly, went over the U/S results and also that it was consistent to what she found last time. REALLY?! LAST TIME YOU TOLD ME I'M HAVING A MISCARRIAGE!!!
Then she quickly transferred me to her nurse who set up an apt to do a follow up U/S the next day. They didn't once ask my schedule. Or even if that would work. I quickly called to R/S to Monday.
The weekend brought lots of questions. Worrying. Hoping everything is okay. Assurance through the Holy Ghost that everything WOULD BE OKAY despite whatever happens. Anxiousness that I get to see something.
The U/S lasted about 20 minutes. The tech wouldn't tell me anything! She took lots of pictures. Lots of angles. But no word to me. She ended saying she'd give the results to my doctor who would call me the next day. So yet again, here we are worrying. Hoping. Questions.
10 day check up 12/5
We went to Utah and boy was it a struggle some days. I was sick! Needless to say, I was grateful to have Zofran for those days. I wasn't able to eat a lot of foods that I normally like. The idea of fried food just makes me sick to my stomach. ie. I love CAFE RIO! We all went there and I got the salad. The idea of the greasy meat made me nausea. Went to Chick Fil A. Got the soup and attempted a half sandwich. Went to Chili's. Got chicken fried steak-ate a ton of chips& salsa and had just a few bites of my actual meal. Took the rest to Justin. Also I was soooo tired. I wished so bad I could drink my Crystal Light but the very thought, even today, makes me nausea. Also I had so much avacado & guacamole that now it makes me want to hurl. I was glad to get home to say the least.
I went in to my Dec 5 follow up U/S. Craig had too much to do so I went alone with the girls. They were so good. The dr did a vaginal U/S and looked & looked and found nothing. She had me sit up and then continued on to tell me that I'm in the process of miscarrying. Since it had been 10 days she'd expect to see something bigger and instead saw nothing. It just didn't make sense. I've had no bleeding at all. Aug 14 was my last sight of blood down there. I've had hardly any cramping-none mostly. How can this be? I've been sick and extremely tired. She continued to tell me that it probably has moved into my tubes and getting ready to miscarry. So from this point I was to have my blood taken this day (thurs) & monday to show my HCG declining. I walked out feeling emotions all over the place. I quickly got all my bloodwork and left. I was glad to have my sweet girls with me.
I had to go to WalMart to get some things. I parked and called Craig to give him the news. I started crying. Jaycee was so aware of what was going on and she would wipe my tears as we sat in the parking lot. I was emotionally done & drained and ready for this baby to just be gone from me. I was ready to move on. To stop stressing. To stop worrying.
I got home about 2 and was so tired. Before this day I liked it becuase I had a reason to be tired. This day it irritated me. If I'm going to miscarry then let's get this over with and deal with this tiredness. I took a little powernap about 30 min. Then the dr. called.
"Hi Amanda. Um, your levels are at 57,000!!!! So that means you are pregnant. We need to figure out where this pregnancy is." Then continues of how "the machine isn't very good" and excuses of why she couldn't see the baby. I was irritated again! We had to rush to another imaging place to get a better U/S done. I had Craig meet me there since by this time, he was frustrated too and the girls were ready to be done.
The U/S was fairly quick. The tech got the results to a dr since my dr was gone for the rest of the day. The Dr. explained on the phone that there were 2 sacks. One was filled with some type of fluid. The other the tech explained she was 98.9% there was something there but was too small to measure or find a heartbeat. The U/S did say I was 5w6d so the day, Friday I would be 6 weeks. The dr explained to take it easy and helped to calculate how far I was. Also she said she'd have my dr call Monday to go over results and explain what to do next. I left feeling much better and glad we got somewhat of answers.
I went in to my Dec 5 follow up U/S. Craig had too much to do so I went alone with the girls. They were so good. The dr did a vaginal U/S and looked & looked and found nothing. She had me sit up and then continued on to tell me that I'm in the process of miscarrying. Since it had been 10 days she'd expect to see something bigger and instead saw nothing. It just didn't make sense. I've had no bleeding at all. Aug 14 was my last sight of blood down there. I've had hardly any cramping-none mostly. How can this be? I've been sick and extremely tired. She continued to tell me that it probably has moved into my tubes and getting ready to miscarry. So from this point I was to have my blood taken this day (thurs) & monday to show my HCG declining. I walked out feeling emotions all over the place. I quickly got all my bloodwork and left. I was glad to have my sweet girls with me.
I had to go to WalMart to get some things. I parked and called Craig to give him the news. I started crying. Jaycee was so aware of what was going on and she would wipe my tears as we sat in the parking lot. I was emotionally done & drained and ready for this baby to just be gone from me. I was ready to move on. To stop stressing. To stop worrying.
I got home about 2 and was so tired. Before this day I liked it becuase I had a reason to be tired. This day it irritated me. If I'm going to miscarry then let's get this over with and deal with this tiredness. I took a little powernap about 30 min. Then the dr. called.
"Hi Amanda. Um, your levels are at 57,000!!!! So that means you are pregnant. We need to figure out where this pregnancy is." Then continues of how "the machine isn't very good" and excuses of why she couldn't see the baby. I was irritated again! We had to rush to another imaging place to get a better U/S done. I had Craig meet me there since by this time, he was frustrated too and the girls were ready to be done.
The U/S was fairly quick. The tech got the results to a dr since my dr was gone for the rest of the day. The Dr. explained on the phone that there were 2 sacks. One was filled with some type of fluid. The other the tech explained she was 98.9% there was something there but was too small to measure or find a heartbeat. The U/S did say I was 5w6d so the day, Friday I would be 6 weeks. The dr explained to take it easy and helped to calculate how far I was. Also she said she'd have my dr call Monday to go over results and explain what to do next. I left feeling much better and glad we got somewhat of answers.
Doctor Appointment 11/25
Today we had our doctor appointment to do our ultrasound. Mostly we were looking to make sure I was preggers, a heartbeat & due date. Only 1 thing was clarified.
We went back immediately and all 4 of us were in this tiny little room. I was very grateful though that we didn't have to go to some special place for a U/S and that my doctor could do it.
The nurse got my weight & b/p and everything was great. They asked what my guess for my due date was...I had no clue. I wanted to say I was around 12 weeks because of the fact of my period being so late and not coming but then I didn't really look it. Hmmmmm...
Dr. W came and she was so sweet as usual. I was glad Craig got to meet her. She started by doing an internal exam and verified that in fact I had a pregnant uterus. Duh! The next thing was to do a vaginal U/S. They are more sensitive & pick up details if it weren't very far along. I honestly didn't mind it as I was just ready to see what was going on. She appologized about the machine wasn't the best & the printer was out of paper. I didn't mind though.
As we got in looking we verified that I was in fact pregnant. There was a good egg sack forming. The only problem is that the baby was so small that the machine couldn't measure to specify a due date. Also that we couldn't hear a heartbeat. She did measure the "sack" and it gave a week of 5 1/2 weeks but I know I'm further than that because I have been SO sick. She didn't say this was my in fact week or give me a due date. She said it would be incorrect. So we got at least that information and got another appointment scheduled in 10 days. We're going to try again to see more, get a heartbeat & due date.
It was a good appointment in that we saw the sack & baby but left me very nervous. I really hope everything is okay and that the baby is growing & healthy & strong.
The past 2 weeks have been rough. I've been SO super tired. Usually go to bed around 11, sleep in until 9:30 (if the girls will allow) usually around 2 or 3 I'm exhausted and take a 30-45 min nap. It's crazy. I'm super sick. I puked the other night after we had breakfast for dinner. I blame it on the hashbrowns that Craig made and tasted super oily and made my stomach turn after I ate them. It was not a pleasant night. Not really any cravings. The other day at Winco Honey Bunches of Oats sounded delicious and ate 3 bowls for dinner. I usually don't eat it as it has sugar in it but figured it was a better option then some things. Otherwise, I hate eating. Nothing sounds good. Food is nasty. I feel sick. Most the time around 2-3 hours after I eat I start feeling sick knowing I need to eat and find a decent, healthy option and hurry & down it. Today it was a banana and another time I took a string cheese, wrapped 2 pieces of turkey around it, took a bite with a wheat thin. It actually was really good. I hate water. It makes me sick. Even my favorite Crystal Light makes me want to puke thinking about drinking it. Let's just say....it's gonna be a LOOOONNG time until 16 weeks. That's usually when in previous preg it eases off. I've been trying to work out but lately we've been crazy busy and getting things done that I didn't work out this week but as of last Friday I was exactly the same and have only gained 3 lbs. I'm trying hard to eat healthy & be active. One of the days I was working out while eating carrots because I was so sick. It was crazy.
Hadi's room got switched over to be the baby room & she now is in Jaycee's room in a Big Girl bed. They both love it! Things are well. AND....I got my drugs----ZOFRAN!!!
We went back immediately and all 4 of us were in this tiny little room. I was very grateful though that we didn't have to go to some special place for a U/S and that my doctor could do it.
The nurse got my weight & b/p and everything was great. They asked what my guess for my due date was...I had no clue. I wanted to say I was around 12 weeks because of the fact of my period being so late and not coming but then I didn't really look it. Hmmmmm...
Dr. W came and she was so sweet as usual. I was glad Craig got to meet her. She started by doing an internal exam and verified that in fact I had a pregnant uterus. Duh! The next thing was to do a vaginal U/S. They are more sensitive & pick up details if it weren't very far along. I honestly didn't mind it as I was just ready to see what was going on. She appologized about the machine wasn't the best & the printer was out of paper. I didn't mind though.
As we got in looking we verified that I was in fact pregnant. There was a good egg sack forming. The only problem is that the baby was so small that the machine couldn't measure to specify a due date. Also that we couldn't hear a heartbeat. She did measure the "sack" and it gave a week of 5 1/2 weeks but I know I'm further than that because I have been SO sick. She didn't say this was my in fact week or give me a due date. She said it would be incorrect. So we got at least that information and got another appointment scheduled in 10 days. We're going to try again to see more, get a heartbeat & due date.
It was a good appointment in that we saw the sack & baby but left me very nervous. I really hope everything is okay and that the baby is growing & healthy & strong.
The past 2 weeks have been rough. I've been SO super tired. Usually go to bed around 11, sleep in until 9:30 (if the girls will allow) usually around 2 or 3 I'm exhausted and take a 30-45 min nap. It's crazy. I'm super sick. I puked the other night after we had breakfast for dinner. I blame it on the hashbrowns that Craig made and tasted super oily and made my stomach turn after I ate them. It was not a pleasant night. Not really any cravings. The other day at Winco Honey Bunches of Oats sounded delicious and ate 3 bowls for dinner. I usually don't eat it as it has sugar in it but figured it was a better option then some things. Otherwise, I hate eating. Nothing sounds good. Food is nasty. I feel sick. Most the time around 2-3 hours after I eat I start feeling sick knowing I need to eat and find a decent, healthy option and hurry & down it. Today it was a banana and another time I took a string cheese, wrapped 2 pieces of turkey around it, took a bite with a wheat thin. It actually was really good. I hate water. It makes me sick. Even my favorite Crystal Light makes me want to puke thinking about drinking it. Let's just say....it's gonna be a LOOOONNG time until 16 weeks. That's usually when in previous preg it eases off. I've been trying to work out but lately we've been crazy busy and getting things done that I didn't work out this week but as of last Friday I was exactly the same and have only gained 3 lbs. I'm trying hard to eat healthy & be active. One of the days I was working out while eating carrots because I was so sick. It was crazy.
Hadi's room got switched over to be the baby room & she now is in Jaycee's room in a Big Girl bed. They both love it! Things are well. AND....I got my drugs----ZOFRAN!!!
Questions!
Saturday, 9th was the day I officially found out we were expecting. Things had to change. Mostly just taking care of myself better, eatting better, work outs not as hard, limiting my caffeine intake, prenatals....and on and on. I still was in disbelief but sure enough after taking a 2pk of First Response Sunday & Monday-we def are preggers! I called the office on Monday and tell them and they schedule me for a "take in" nurse. Pretty much an apt to get all the information and a plan. After the call I was frustrated that they didn't even seem to care that I had taken provera, how far I am, etc. etc. I called back to talk to the nurse and later that day my doctor herself called me. I was so impressed by this. She had remembered me and our appointment and congratulated us like 3 times during our 5 minute conversation. She also informed me that provera is safe as long as it's not taken the entire pregnancy. (sigh of relief) We have no idea on how far along I am just that on 10/22 we had a negative blood test, but then she did tell me that it happens more often than not. I also told her how on provera (past 3-4 weeks) we weren't "doing anything" so there's no way it happened during that time. So obviously on my 10/21 appointment I was in fact pregnant. Just not enough HCG to detect. ***We all remember Hadi's experience*** (ugh doctors!) http://nossonenedoce.blogspot.com/2011_04_01_archive.html
So I guess first step was the appointment on Friday 11/15 and she wanted me to schedule a U/S with her week of Thanksgiving.
Friday came quick!!! Craig took the morning off and we took our girls with us. I heard this appointment was good for him to come & listen. Well the nurse calls us back and says...Oh only 2 of you can come. Um-okay....so leave the kids?!! Irritating. I took Jaycee in with me. Craig stayed out with hadi for about 20 minutes. So much for him getting all the information. She then went to schedule me my u/s and wanted to wait until after Thanksgiving!!! NO WAY!!! I told her we were most likely going to Utah so we wouldn't be around so somehow she got me squeezed in to Monday, November 25. Yay. The rest of the appointment was blood work & urine and done. I felt so bad Craig wasted a morning off but was glad he was with me for the kids to watch. He really wants to come on the 25th and we are crossing all our fingers & toes that there's a heartbeat--just one please. And to find the due date.
Since then I've been a little crampy and had a tiny bit of spotting but nothing to be alarmed of. My craving to this point if you can't tell is avacados & guacamole. I feel like I can't get enough. My favorite lunch is a turkey sandwich-just turkey & avacados on it. Otherwise nothing really sounds good. I don't like to eat. I'm not really sick but just the thought of food & eating makes me kinda nausea. I know it's weird. With my other pregnancies it would get to a point that if I didn't eat I'd get so pukey. This is different. I can go without eating and I don't get sick for a long time. But then it hits hard. There's only been one day that I've felt really queesy-today in fact. Took a zofran. I'm extremely tired. Last night I was out by 10:30 and slept in until 9:30. Wow. Jaycee is soo amuzed about mommy's baby and likes to look at my magazines & books and ask tons of questions. Hadi likes to touch my tummy and then she in turn thinks there's a baby in her tummy. She's gonna have a rough adjustment. Craig is excited I think-he doesn't say much except he feels bad he doubted his strong feeling. Which if this feeling is correct-we know what we're having. I think he's excited but it's hard to have too much emotion when there's still so many questions. The only other ppl that know are keeping it a secret and are my support system to talk to about things. I'm still working out and hoping to keep my weight gain minimal. I've been really good at choosing better options of fruit & carrots-all other veggies make me want to puke thinking about eating them. Obviously I'm still wearing my pants but have to push them down so the button isn't right around my middle tummy. There's def a baby pooch. I'm sure if I wear a really tight shirt, close friends who know me would be able to tell. Otherwise. I try to hide it. I'm moody. I'm emotional. I have SO many thoughts running through my mind about baby. It's just not real I think to me until I see that little one on the screen. Until then I'll lay on my couch, take a nap, watch a show & enjoy my guacamole on a hot dog (LOL not really but the other day this sounded so good to me)
So I guess first step was the appointment on Friday 11/15 and she wanted me to schedule a U/S with her week of Thanksgiving.
Friday came quick!!! Craig took the morning off and we took our girls with us. I heard this appointment was good for him to come & listen. Well the nurse calls us back and says...Oh only 2 of you can come. Um-okay....so leave the kids?!! Irritating. I took Jaycee in with me. Craig stayed out with hadi for about 20 minutes. So much for him getting all the information. She then went to schedule me my u/s and wanted to wait until after Thanksgiving!!! NO WAY!!! I told her we were most likely going to Utah so we wouldn't be around so somehow she got me squeezed in to Monday, November 25. Yay. The rest of the appointment was blood work & urine and done. I felt so bad Craig wasted a morning off but was glad he was with me for the kids to watch. He really wants to come on the 25th and we are crossing all our fingers & toes that there's a heartbeat--just one please. And to find the due date.
Since then I've been a little crampy and had a tiny bit of spotting but nothing to be alarmed of. My craving to this point if you can't tell is avacados & guacamole. I feel like I can't get enough. My favorite lunch is a turkey sandwich-just turkey & avacados on it. Otherwise nothing really sounds good. I don't like to eat. I'm not really sick but just the thought of food & eating makes me kinda nausea. I know it's weird. With my other pregnancies it would get to a point that if I didn't eat I'd get so pukey. This is different. I can go without eating and I don't get sick for a long time. But then it hits hard. There's only been one day that I've felt really queesy-today in fact. Took a zofran. I'm extremely tired. Last night I was out by 10:30 and slept in until 9:30. Wow. Jaycee is soo amuzed about mommy's baby and likes to look at my magazines & books and ask tons of questions. Hadi likes to touch my tummy and then she in turn thinks there's a baby in her tummy. She's gonna have a rough adjustment. Craig is excited I think-he doesn't say much except he feels bad he doubted his strong feeling. Which if this feeling is correct-we know what we're having. I think he's excited but it's hard to have too much emotion when there's still so many questions. The only other ppl that know are keeping it a secret and are my support system to talk to about things. I'm still working out and hoping to keep my weight gain minimal. I've been really good at choosing better options of fruit & carrots-all other veggies make me want to puke thinking about eating them. Obviously I'm still wearing my pants but have to push them down so the button isn't right around my middle tummy. There's def a baby pooch. I'm sure if I wear a really tight shirt, close friends who know me would be able to tell. Otherwise. I try to hide it. I'm moody. I'm emotional. I have SO many thoughts running through my mind about baby. It's just not real I think to me until I see that little one on the screen. Until then I'll lay on my couch, take a nap, watch a show & enjoy my guacamole on a hot dog (LOL not really but the other day this sounded so good to me)
NOPE!!
Well it officially hit 70 days of nothingness and decided to go to the dr to get my blood drawn. October 21 was the day and also my sweet niece was born! The doctor was so fabulous and I'm excited to have her as my doctor. We went over so many things & questions...pee came back negative. The best was when she asked "do you feel pregnant" honestly, yes I did but was it just mental? She did do an exam both internal and external and made a comment about my uterus but don't remember what she said. The game plan was if NEG blood test then starting Provera the next day to get going again. The next day...nurse called....negative test. I had a feeling that was going to happen. I didn't know what to believe. If I was, if I wasn't. Who knows?! I started Provera 10-22 for 7 days. The first day it made me SOOO sick. It was like morning sickness all day. The whole week was just rediculous and boy I was moody. I had read online that Provera can take up to 3 weeks to get started after taking & also to "prevent" while on the pills. My dr didn't tell me any of this but to be careful we didn't do anything.
Friday, Nov 8 came. Throughout the week I was guessing why I hadn't started STILL. I didn't understand how my always normal body is being so wacked out. But I still assumed we weren't pregnant although I was still having symptoms mainly being soo tired. This night (8th) we had a yw activity. I had worn a tight white shirt with a puffer vest over it. As we were cleaning up the church I went to get a broom and walked into a closet full of stank!!! I seriously about gagged!!! My friend was cleaning up too and we were talking about how I hadn't started and what the heck was going on. I also asked her if that closet stunk to her. She was confused and didn't smell a thing. SIGN 1 Then I get home and take off my vest and tell Craig-look at my stomach (and I weighed myself this morning and lost 2 pounds that week with only working out 3 days) So I had only gained 2 pounds since the summer. This was not my typical stomach-"doesn't that look like a baby pooch!!!" SIGN 2 We had ate soup for dinner at 5:30 about and it was 11pm and I was STARVING!!! In fact, all week there were times that I felt so hungry and even woken up in the middle of the night a few times SIGN 3 Then I ask, ...Craig, how strong was your feeling? "I've never had that strong of feeling and assurance except when I knew we were to be married" SIGN 4
The next day we took my neighbor out to lunch for a girls' pampering day-she's due anyday-one girl mentioned guacamole and instantly I looked for the exact sandwich to order that. And it came with a side pickle. Mmmmmm SIGN 5 Saturday after lunch thing we were headed to the mall. It was about 5pm and I could hardly keep my eyes open while driving there. SIGN 6
That night after the mall I asked Craig to take me to the $$$ store to get mailers. While at the checkout the little tests were screaming my name. I slipped one in the bag. No one knew. I get home, pizza is on the table but I just have to take that test!!! I rush in the bathroom, get the pee, put the test on the toilet and walk out to wait-they take 5 minutes. About 1 minute later Craig goes in the bathroom. DON'T GO IN THERE!!! I yell. He was confused and saw what I was talking about. As he was walking out I was ready to face the shame-he makes fun of me for buying so many tests (in my defense it had been since the neg blood test since I did one) I say, "Please don't say there are 2 lines" Craig-"Um, there's 2 lines"!!!! NO WAY!! I run in there-sure enough. 2 PINK LINES DEF PREGNANT. Dollar Store test with 8pm at night and bright & clear as can be. Now what?!!!!
Friday, Nov 8 came. Throughout the week I was guessing why I hadn't started STILL. I didn't understand how my always normal body is being so wacked out. But I still assumed we weren't pregnant although I was still having symptoms mainly being soo tired. This night (8th) we had a yw activity. I had worn a tight white shirt with a puffer vest over it. As we were cleaning up the church I went to get a broom and walked into a closet full of stank!!! I seriously about gagged!!! My friend was cleaning up too and we were talking about how I hadn't started and what the heck was going on. I also asked her if that closet stunk to her. She was confused and didn't smell a thing. SIGN 1 Then I get home and take off my vest and tell Craig-look at my stomach (and I weighed myself this morning and lost 2 pounds that week with only working out 3 days) So I had only gained 2 pounds since the summer. This was not my typical stomach-"doesn't that look like a baby pooch!!!" SIGN 2 We had ate soup for dinner at 5:30 about and it was 11pm and I was STARVING!!! In fact, all week there were times that I felt so hungry and even woken up in the middle of the night a few times SIGN 3 Then I ask, ...Craig, how strong was your feeling? "I've never had that strong of feeling and assurance except when I knew we were to be married" SIGN 4
The next day we took my neighbor out to lunch for a girls' pampering day-she's due anyday-one girl mentioned guacamole and instantly I looked for the exact sandwich to order that. And it came with a side pickle. Mmmmmm SIGN 5 Saturday after lunch thing we were headed to the mall. It was about 5pm and I could hardly keep my eyes open while driving there. SIGN 6
That night after the mall I asked Craig to take me to the $$$ store to get mailers. While at the checkout the little tests were screaming my name. I slipped one in the bag. No one knew. I get home, pizza is on the table but I just have to take that test!!! I rush in the bathroom, get the pee, put the test on the toilet and walk out to wait-they take 5 minutes. About 1 minute later Craig goes in the bathroom. DON'T GO IN THERE!!! I yell. He was confused and saw what I was talking about. As he was walking out I was ready to face the shame-he makes fun of me for buying so many tests (in my defense it had been since the neg blood test since I did one) I say, "Please don't say there are 2 lines" Craig-"Um, there's 2 lines"!!!! NO WAY!! I run in there-sure enough. 2 PINK LINES DEF PREGNANT. Dollar Store test with 8pm at night and bright & clear as can be. Now what?!!!!
PREGNANT?!!!
When Hadley turned 1 my bc ended and we made the decision to not renew
it. I found it a waste of time to go into the dr and get a new one for
only being on it for 4 months. At this point I had an idea of April was
a good time to start trying again. Well as April came my opinion
changed and I was in limbo of what our plan was. So the plan I had was
to have NO PLAN. Jaycee & Hadi were both kinda stressful when it
came to finding out if I was pregnant and when the month would end with
no baby I would be sad. I now felt so content with my 2 little girls and 2
dogs that even a 3rd was a question although I knew deep down our family
wasn't finished. So I decided since I felt content that we weren't
going to "try" but also not going to "prevent" When that time would
come I got my hopes up for a baby but when AF came I was okay with that
and went on with no problem. I wish I was like that with the other 2.
We really don't care if we have another girl and a boy would be fantastic too. I found things online as a joke about how to get a boy from diets to other things. It was kinda a joke but we did try a few things....haha. We will see.
My last cycle was Aug 14. I'm a very regular girl of about 30 days. So when Sept 13th came, I bought and took a few tests-Dollar Store greatness. Both negative. I decided to wait a few days and try a "good one" and bought an off brand but maybe better than the dollar store---negative. By Sept 21st came it was frustrating!!! No AF in sight yet no + test either. I decided to go on as if I weren't. That night Craig told me he had a spiritual experience at work that we were pregnant and so I hold on to that feeling when I get down with more negative tests. I really am okay with not being pregnant yet, but at least tell me a yes or have AF come. Seriously. So Wed. Sept 25th came and yup, no period. If I'm preggers this marks week 6. I knew that the coming week would bring more symptoms so I'm on the look out. The next 6 days brought another negative test but also brought sleepiness, different times of feeling nausesa, plenty of mood swings-Craig can atest to that-poor guy, bloating feeling that I can't let my pants be too tight cuz it makes me feel sick and today have sore ta-tas . So even though Mr. HPT says Negative, my body & Craig's feeling say Positive. So I guess we'll see what the next days & week bring. Hopefully a +!!!!! Tomorrow is Wed and Craig's parents are coming so I hope nothing too drastic so it's not obvious as we like to keep it a secret. Also it'll mark Week 7. Keep posted for more fun
We really don't care if we have another girl and a boy would be fantastic too. I found things online as a joke about how to get a boy from diets to other things. It was kinda a joke but we did try a few things....haha. We will see.
My last cycle was Aug 14. I'm a very regular girl of about 30 days. So when Sept 13th came, I bought and took a few tests-Dollar Store greatness. Both negative. I decided to wait a few days and try a "good one" and bought an off brand but maybe better than the dollar store---negative. By Sept 21st came it was frustrating!!! No AF in sight yet no + test either. I decided to go on as if I weren't. That night Craig told me he had a spiritual experience at work that we were pregnant and so I hold on to that feeling when I get down with more negative tests. I really am okay with not being pregnant yet, but at least tell me a yes or have AF come. Seriously. So Wed. Sept 25th came and yup, no period. If I'm preggers this marks week 6. I knew that the coming week would bring more symptoms so I'm on the look out. The next 6 days brought another negative test but also brought sleepiness, different times of feeling nausesa, plenty of mood swings-Craig can atest to that-poor guy, bloating feeling that I can't let my pants be too tight cuz it makes me feel sick and today have sore ta-tas . So even though Mr. HPT says Negative, my body & Craig's feeling say Positive. So I guess we'll see what the next days & week bring. Hopefully a +!!!!! Tomorrow is Wed and Craig's parents are coming so I hope nothing too drastic so it's not obvious as we like to keep it a secret. Also it'll mark Week 7. Keep posted for more fun
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