20 Weeks

We're at the HALFWAY MARK!!!  and it's freaking me out.  Labor freaks me out! 

The past 2 weeks have been good except for having this horrible cold (I think it's Bronchitis)  I have never felt so miserable.  It's been tricky taking meds and making sure the baby is ok.  I've ended up taking Robitussin and then Tylenol in between for the aches.  THE BEST part was on Christmas Eve while I was feeling so sick, chills, fever and as I'm laying by Aimee's fireplace-I felt the baby!  It was the perfect gift!  I love to feel the baby everyday and know that everything is safe in there. The baby this week is 10.5 ounces & about 10 inches long  (think banana)

I haven't had many cravings.  I love ranch!  It has to be yummy ranch but I love it more these days.  Especially on salad.  We went to Golden Corral with Craig's parents and I ate 2 plates of salad because it was soooo good.  I have eaten some not-so-good things for me as we went out of town and I'm trying to refocus on fruits & veggies & healthier options.  I started at 164 (my scale) and am now at 177 (+13 pounds)  I was trying really hard to be at 10 pounds at the half way mark.  Once I can get this cold over with I can start up my work out again.  I still don't like water and drink a lot of orange juice or if I need a pick-me-up I like to drink Diet Dr. Pepper w/cherry.  I don't crave sweet-if anything I am always wanting salty things. 

Besides being sick, I do still have energy and don't feel like the baby bump gets in the way of much. I'm trying to get Hadi to stop being held as I know that will need to stop soon.  I've also notice more discharge down below and also my milk is getting ready.  I'm still wearing most of my normal clothes but am for sure out of size 12.  I wear mostly my size 14's with a rubberband.  My next appointment is coming up in a few weeks and we are SOOO excited to see what this baby is going to reveal.  I'm still feeling it's a boy!

18 Weeks

I'm posting a day early but it's going to be a busy weekend in Utah alone.  Grandma Anderton passed away and will be with family. 

My baby this week is 5 1/2 inches and 7 ounces!  I can't believe I'm already at 18 weeks! 

I've been feeling great!  I love that I have energy & I'm not sick.  I do find that I'm more hungry but I try to choose good meals and not junk calories.  So far to this point I've only gained 11 pounds.  I've tried so hard to eat good options for me & the baby.  I do splurge a little bit but I don't go overboard.  I do find that I crave mostly salty foods so I think that helps too.  I've also been doing my Jane Fonda work out video.  It's only 20 minutes and my goal is 5-6 times a week.  I notice when I do it, I have more energy and feel great so it's worth the time & effort. 

I haven't really felt the baby.  Every once in a while I'll feel something tiny that I'm pretty sure is the baby, but no for sure kicks or nudges.  I also do check his/her heart beat still and I love hearing it!  I've gotten good at finding it pretty quickly. 

Names are a touch subject at this point.  When you aren't pregnant or it's not your own, it's fun.  I find it stressful!  For a boy at this point we like: Aiden, Caison, Drew, Isak, Wesley-although I like Weston better, Bodey, Camden.  For middle names if it goes well I think it'll be Reid.  Craig loves the name and would do for his first name, but I like better for a middle name.  Obviously we know all my middle names are a meaning-so this is named after Aimee & Kyle and their family  <3   Other options if they don't flow is Joseph? Larry?  Haven't talked too much about it.
For a girl the only name we like-but I don't love is Brynnley.  Who knows the middle name?  Maybe Leigh or Jo?  I mostly want to take a baby name break until mid-January when we find out the sex.  Yay! 

1st TRIMESTER

One thing I would never recommend: being pregnant & moving at the same time!  Talk about exhausting & stressful!  I am very thankful Craig took care of soo much & details while I was a slump on the couch. 

FOODS:  Oh boy I got sick from about week 6 1/2.  It came on fast.  I hated, hated, HATED food!  But obviously you have to eat.  I tried to eat as many things that had fiber as well as protein.  I went through a lot of string cheese-most days 2 a day.  And I would gag it down with juice.  I hate cheese!  But it was a quick fix to a hunger pain.  I hated water.  Made me so sick and still don't prefer it.  I didn't want anything sweet.  If anything I wanted salt & yummy food---when food did sound appealing.  I went through about 2 boxes of shredded wheat a week.  It was another fast fix that sounded ok and felt good in my stomach.  I hated anything way seasoned, anything in any bit greasy...just food was yuck!  A couple times I did crave things and I would eat it and the next day revolted it.  A few things I remember were onion rings, Olive Garden, nuts, chocolate milk w/tuna sandwich.  Food just sucked. I did what I could do get through the 13 weeks. 

MY DAY USUALLY:  I was still babysitting Jace & Cyra up until the last week we were in Wa.  I felt super bad about this as I felt icky most days.  At first I was super sick in the morning but then after about 7 weeks it changed.  I was ok in the morning but then once about 3or4 hit, I was sick most the night and got worst as the night continued.  Most days I spent LOTS of time sleeping, laying on the couch, laying on the floor, laying everywhere!  I didn't have energy to do anything...my poor kids!  They watched lots of shows while I laid. I was glad the days that the kids were over to play with the girls to give them something to do.  I tried at first to exercise, but when you feel yucky, it's the last thing on my mind. 

MY FIRST APPOINTMENT:  Didn't happen!  I called when I was 8 weeks to schedule just to get a first appointment of heartbeat, blood & exam.  I called & they wouldn't see me until I was 12 weeks!!!!  We were to move the day I turned 12 weeks.  They wouldn't even budge to see me a tiny bit earlier.  I was ticked!  Especially after our last baby.  Although I felt everything was ok. We decided to buy a doppler since we wouldn't get in until I was 16 weeks.  I check it at least 2-3 times a week but it was such a great sound to hear.  It was the piece of mind I needed.

So to sum up the 1st trimester: puke (can't take meds anymore) gross foods, gagging down anything, lots of sleep & GLAD TO HAVE IT DONE!!!!

Well the cat is out of the bag!  We're preggers again!  #4 times the charm

HOW WE FOUND OUT:   Friday, Sept 26, Craig got the phone call offering him his new job. We were sooo excited!  We spent the night getting pizza and talking a ton about if it would be a good financial move for our family.  It was quite exhausting with all the details of everything.  So much to decide & do.  That night as I tucked the girls in bed, I had the thought come--watch we'll be pregnant & moving.  Up to this point we hadn't really been "trying" but also weren't on any preventions either, but hadn't been since the last baby in December.  Saturday morning Craig went to basketball and was excited to because he wanted to clear his head & also talk to Adam about working for the federal government.  I woke up and my ta-tas were super sore.  I hadn't really been "counting" the days or even knew if it was "time"  Some months I'm a few days late.  As I was about to use the bathroom I thought, what the heck, let's test (I had one from the last baby)  Within seconds 2 pink lines showed up.  Definetely pregnant!

 I couldn't believe it.  The timing; the way it worked out; how we haven't even been trying; how Hadi & the last baby were difficult to see the positive test.   And here it was.  Craig was going to be home in a few minutes and we both had no idea that this was even an option!  So I hid the stick and waited.  He walked in the door and I brought up small talk about the job and if he'd been thinking more about if he wanted to take the job.  Then I said "well, we have a problem"  Then I pulled out the test.  He was shocked!  Here's the pic right after

 Now the problem of moving while being pregnant as we did accept the job!!!  Oh and I took another test a few days later.

Thinking back on the week I found out, one thing that stuck out to me that should've been a signal was I went running 3 miles one night and it took everything out of me.  It was so hard and exhausting and I hadn't even been going as fast.  Then when I stopped I was super crampy but to me I thought it was that time getting ready.....yes, getting ready for baby! 

Excitement, Fear, Faith, Joy, Hope, Numb, Love

Dealing with nausea was easy knowing you were in there

Giving up much-knowing you were there

Late nights fantasizing about you growing in me

Playing with clothes dreaming of you wearing them, our little boy

Having the best 2 older sisters to play and dress up with, our little girl

Plans being made and days thinking of how you’ll be with us as we travel, 

snuggled safe between your 2 sisters.

My heart skipped a beat seeing you the first time and an instant smile knowing you were in me

Excitement for our little family of 5

Common fears and a heartbeat yearning to hear

Fear, Worry, Fear, Worry, Stress!

Uncertainty but again another time to see you, knowing you were there

Joy with answers; joy with hope for the future; joy of being your mommy

Hope for more answers

Hope for your little body growing

Hope for that sweet sound to assure you’re okay

Hope that in a few months I would prove that you’re okay

                        Love for you!  Love that I was chosen to be your   mommy.  Love-you were real and you were in there.  Love for the                   home that I started to make for you. 
                                            Love in you!!!  

I won’t hold you.  I won’t hear your little heart beat.  I won’t see your first smile.  I won’t hear your first newborn laugh.  I won’t meet you or know who you were.  I won’t have you to lay with me.  I won’t put on your clothes and you won’t play with your sisters. 

BUT we love you!  You were real!  You showed that to me.  You were there! 

You showed us what love is.  You showed us that life is too fragile to take advantage of.  You showed me an appreciation for your daddy & sisters.  You reminded me that love is all around me.  You give me hope for the future and that love does exist and love does heal the heart.  I’ll never forget you my number 3. 

The Birthing Process with my natural miscarriage

(Beware this is graphic and noted for my own journal.  Feel free to read if you'd like)

After the doctor called and explained my miscarriage would be within a week I felt ready for this to be over.  At first I was positive.  Then anger set in.  Not against Heavenly Father, just angry towards anything to do with baby.  Then grief and tears came.  And overcoming crying!  Also came depression and wanting to be alone, but not from my girls & Craig.  Just alone from anyone seeing me.  My dear sweet friend brought me flowers & chocolate and when I saw her pull up I felt ashamed & embarrassed but I was glad after she left that she came.  The few days brought a big clot about the size of 2 quarters.  I had cramping but nothing too extreme.  Then after that came just slow brownish bleeding.  I thought these little/medium clots was all this miscarriage was going to entail. Oh man I was wrong.  I had no idea what was coming ahead!!!

Christmas came and it felt good to relax at home.  Jaycee had thrown up that morning so we were homebound.  I honestly was feeling sooo much better and up in spirits until I called my mom and it reminded me of everything that was happening.  She asked if I was having labor contractions when my clots came.  I didn't really know what she was talking about. 

The next day I was pretty crampy all day and so grateful for ibuprofen.  We watched new movies and again a relaxing day.  Then we just needed to get out!!!  I felt cooped up.  The girls you could tell needed out.  We all got up & ready and headed to Walmart. As we were driving out I was hurting pretty bad with cramps and wished I had taken ibuprofen before we left.  We were walking around and my lower back was killing me.  At times I felt weak like I couldn't walk even.  I was ready to be home and play some Mario Kart with D & her family and just relax again.  Oh boy did the night change and no idea what was about to happen. 

We got home and I had just a little plate of chips & cheese until I started feeling contractions.  Hadley was born natural so of course I've felt the whole labor process so compared of a 10 I would say it was about a 5.  Enough to hurt really bad but not quite the intensity.  I quickly took my dinner to the table and sat on the toilet. 8:15pm  There was a gush of blood and it had felt a little better.  I sat there for about 25 minutes.  It just felt good to sit there and let it come out.  I felt done but then very sore with contractions.  I came and laid on the living floor and was about in tears with pain.  These were labor pains.  I mean contractions for nothing--no baby!  Craig and the girls just looked at me and I told Craig I just felt like I needed to push something out.  After a few minutes I quickly ran back to the toilet and sat.  He was so amazing and supportive.  He stood and waited in the bathroom with me.  He got me water.  He listened.  I just am so grateful he was there.  I would get contractions and as they came I felt the urge to push.  All that was coming out was liquid-blood-lots of it.  Again the contractions, again pushing.  I looked down there to see and sure enough there was something just sitting at my vagina trying to get out.  I didn't want to pull it out, I just knew my body needed to do it.  At the moment I didn't know what it was, all I knew is I was irritated this was taking so long and felt bad Craig just sitting there.  At times I felt faint so I would lean forward.  Water felt good to drink.  Finally about 9:15 (one hour down) it plopped out.  I kept flushing because I wanted a clean toilet for it to fall into, but that didn't happen.  It was at least the size of a golf ball.  It was big.  It had a rough looking side with a very soft, silky side.  After looking online today I know that this was the placenta & baby sack.  I wanted to dig it out but Craig though I was crazy.  Away it flushed. 

I felt better at this point.  Stood up.  Within 2 minutes again here came the contractions.  Again here came the pain.  I need to sit again.  I booked it upstairs to camp for the night.  Again sat for until about 10:45 while passing lots of clots.  Big ones. lots of blood.  Craig put the girls to bed and then laid outside of the bathroom to be my help mate. Also he gave me a blessing of comfort which I feel so strongly that has been my strength through this.  I was so tired and wanted to go to bed but there was no way I wanted to put on a pad knowing I would soak through quickly.  I finally felt well enough and sat in the shower for about 30 more minutes. Passed 3 more clots and then felt so much better.  Exhausted.  I quickly laid in bed & cried.  Sobbed.  I thought of all these perfect little newborns born lately and mine just got flushed down a toilet.  My toilet.  Pain-no baby.  It was a rough, emotional realization that yes, I was indeed pregnant.  Yes, we had another child #3.  No, it'll never be here with us.  Craig cuddled me and away I slept into la-la land.

The next morning I woke up refreshed.  Very weak but felt good.  I was having slight contractions but nothing like last night.  I called my mom to talk to her & also my doctor who said everything sounded normal.  I was still bleeding.  About one paid every 1-2 hours.  I would feel a contractions and a little gush and knew when that happened I would run to the toilet with a clot & gush.  My body was working hard to get all this out.  I've used so much toilet paper.  So many flushed toilets.  Dry hands from washing.  Luckily I snuck in a 20 minute nap but woke up in a lot of pain.  Again contractions.  No appetite.  No thirst.  Just want this over.  Again to the bathroom I went.  Again I was feeling the strong contractions but didn't have the urge to push like last night.  But with these intense contractions I thought, I'm just going to push.  Out another big clot that suprised me.  Sigh of relief.  I was feeling good from there on out.  Still blood and little clots but no contractions.  I feel like I'm empty and my stomach is getting back to normal.  Now I guess we just wait for another week or 2 for this to taper off. 

This past week I've felt so much love for my 2 girls.  I've felt that maybe our family is just made for 2 kids cuz this is hard and I HATE being pregnant!!!  I do know I'm not ready for this again for a while.  I've loved cuddling with my Hadi and my Jaycee.  They have been the loves & hugs that I've needed right now.  They have been my smiles & laughter in a time that doesn't make room for them.  They have given me upliftment that my body can make babies and this just was supposed to happen for some reason.  They are my reason to be positive and keep being their mommy. 

This past week I've also felt so much love for Craig.  He's my rock.  He tries so hard to take upon him my heart ache.  He's been my punching bag "sorta speak" when I've been angry & said probably not-so-nice things about baby things.  He's been my listening ear.  He's been my best friend who understands the grief because we together made this baby.  He's been my priesthood holder who worthily can speak for God to me personally.  He's been my comforter who I don't feel ashamed to sob in his arms.  I just know he was sent to me because we are perfect together.

My heart is full.  My heart is ready to move on. 

Here's a link that Craig found as I was going through this that was so helpful as I had no idea what was going to happen.  I found it so helpful.  http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f1794-pregnancy-loss-information-and-faqs/2497944-natural-miscarriage-what-to-expect.html

RESULTS!

The doctor just called....
I have what is called a blighted ovum.  You can read more about it here:
http://www.webmd.com/baby/guide/blighted-ovum

So basically I chose out of different options to have my body take nature to get rid of everything.  She said telling by the ultrasound, there is a lot of fluid in the uterus which is showing that my body is starting to to separate and get rid of.  She said based on the U/S she would say in a week or so.  Also they found that the baby is still measuring at 5w and just a few days.  Which exactly what it said on 11/25 almost a month later.  Technically I should be about 8 weeks or more. 

I'm okay with this result.  I'm glad to have an answer.  I think the human body is amazing and shows that there is a Father in Heaven.  He created an amazing thing!  I'm glad that my body recognizes that the pregnancy wouldn't be healthy and reacts in this way.  I say it's a blessing.  A blessing to save heartache.  I'd rather have it happen now than later.  A blessing to have answers.  A blessing to move on.  A blessing that GOD DOESN'T DO RANDOM!!!  This is all his plan. 

Thank you to my amazing friends & family who have helped me through all this mess since August.  I feel loved and blessed. 

Follow Up U/S 12/16

Well...the dr ended up NOT CALLING Monday OR TUESDAY....finally Wednesday!!!!  Her excuse? Oh I didn't get a note to call you. 
Really?!!!  You need a reason to call me and follow up SINCE YOU ARE MY DOCTOR!  I'm ready to get a new doctor to say the least. 
She basically quickly, went over the U/S results  and also that it was consistent to what she found last time.  REALLY?!  LAST TIME YOU TOLD ME I'M HAVING A MISCARRIAGE!!! 
Then she quickly transferred me to her nurse who set up an apt to do a follow up U/S the next day.  They didn't once ask my schedule.  Or even if that would work.  I quickly called to R/S to Monday. 

The weekend brought lots of questions.  Worrying.  Hoping everything is okay.  Assurance through the Holy Ghost that everything WOULD BE OKAY despite whatever happens.  Anxiousness that I get to see something. 

The U/S lasted about 20 minutes.  The tech wouldn't tell me anything!  She took lots of pictures.  Lots of angles.  But no word to me.  She ended saying she'd give the results to my doctor who would call me the next day.  So yet again, here we are worrying.  Hoping.  Questions.

10 day check up 12/5

We went to Utah and boy was it a struggle some days.  I was sick!  Needless to say, I was grateful to have Zofran for those days.  I wasn't able to eat a lot of foods that I normally like.  The idea of fried food just makes me sick to my stomach.  ie. I love CAFE RIO!  We all went there and I got the salad.  The idea of the greasy meat made me nausea.  Went to Chick Fil A.  Got the soup and attempted a half sandwich.  Went to Chili's. Got chicken fried steak-ate a ton of chips& salsa and had just a few bites of my actual meal.  Took the rest to Justin.  Also I was soooo tired.  I wished so bad I could drink my Crystal Light but the very thought, even today, makes me nausea.  Also I had so much avacado & guacamole that now it makes me want to hurl.  I was glad to get home to say the least. 

I went in to my Dec 5 follow up U/S.  Craig had too much to do so I went alone with the girls.  They were so good.  The dr did a vaginal U/S and looked & looked and found nothing.  She had me sit up and then continued on to tell me that I'm in the process of miscarrying.  Since it had been 10 days she'd expect to see something bigger and instead saw nothing.  It just didn't make sense.  I've had no bleeding at all. Aug 14 was my last sight of blood down there.  I've had hardly any cramping-none mostly.  How can this be?  I've been sick and extremely tired.  She continued to tell me that it probably has moved into my tubes and getting ready to miscarry.  So from this point I was to have my blood taken this day (thurs) & monday to show my HCG declining.  I walked out feeling emotions all over the place.  I quickly got all my bloodwork and left. I was glad to have my sweet girls with me.

I had to go to WalMart to get some things.  I parked and called Craig to give him the news.  I started crying.  Jaycee was so aware of what was going on and she would wipe my tears as we sat in the parking lot.  I was emotionally done & drained and ready for this baby to just be gone from me.  I was ready to move on.  To stop stressing.  To stop worrying. 

I got home about 2 and was so tired.  Before this day I liked it becuase I had a reason to be tired.  This day it irritated me.  If I'm going to miscarry then let's get this over with and deal with this tiredness.  I took a little powernap about 30 min.  Then the dr. called. 
"Hi Amanda.  Um, your levels are at 57,000!!!!  So that means you are pregnant.  We need to figure out where this pregnancy is."  Then continues of how "the machine isn't very good" and excuses of why she couldn't see the baby.  I was irritated again!  We had to rush to another imaging place to get a better U/S done.  I had Craig meet me there since by this time, he was frustrated too and the girls were ready to be done.

The U/S was fairly quick.  The tech got the results to a dr since my dr was gone for the rest of the day.  The Dr. explained on the phone that there were 2 sacks.  One was filled with some type of fluid.  The other the tech explained she was 98.9% there was something there but was too small to measure or find a heartbeat.  The U/S did say I was 5w6d so the day, Friday I would be 6 weeks.  The dr explained to take it easy and helped to calculate how far I was.  Also she said she'd have my dr call Monday to go over results and explain what to do next.  I left feeling much better and glad we got somewhat of answers.

Doctor Appointment 11/25

Today we had our doctor appointment to do our ultrasound.  Mostly we were looking to make sure I was preggers, a heartbeat & due date.  Only 1 thing was clarified. 
We went back immediately and all 4 of us were in this tiny little room.  I was very grateful though that we didn't have to go to some special place for a U/S and that my doctor could do it. 
The nurse got my weight & b/p  and everything was great.  They asked what my guess for my due date was...I had no clue.  I wanted to say I was around 12 weeks because of the fact of my period being so late and not coming but then I didn't really look it.  Hmmmmm...
Dr. W came and she was so sweet as usual.  I was glad Craig got to meet her.  She started by doing an internal exam and verified that in fact I had a pregnant uterus.  Duh!  The next thing was to do a vaginal U/S.  They are more sensitive & pick up details if it weren't very far along.  I honestly didn't mind it  as I was just ready to see what was going on.  She appologized about the machine wasn't the best & the printer was out of paper.  I didn't mind though. 
As we got in looking we verified that I was in fact pregnant.  There was a good egg sack forming.  The only problem is that the baby was so small that the machine couldn't measure to specify a due date.  Also that we couldn't hear a heartbeat.  She did measure the "sack" and it gave a week of 5 1/2 weeks but I know I'm further than that because I have been SO sick.  She didn't say this was my in fact week or give me a due date.  She said it would be incorrect.  So we got at least that information and got another appointment scheduled in 10 days.  We're going to try again to see more, get a heartbeat & due date. 
It was a good appointment in that we saw the sack & baby but left me very nervous.  I really hope everything is okay and that the baby is growing & healthy & strong. 
The past 2 weeks have been rough.  I've been SO super tired.  Usually go to bed around 11, sleep in until 9:30 (if the girls will allow) usually around 2 or 3 I'm exhausted and take a 30-45 min nap.  It's crazy.  I'm super sick.  I puked the other night after we had breakfast for dinner.  I blame it on the hashbrowns that Craig made and tasted super oily and made my stomach turn after I ate them.  It was not a pleasant night.  Not really any cravings.  The other day at Winco Honey Bunches of Oats sounded delicious and ate 3 bowls for dinner.  I usually don't eat it as it has sugar in it but figured it was a better option then some things.  Otherwise, I hate eating.  Nothing sounds good.  Food is nasty.  I feel sick.  Most the time around 2-3 hours after I eat I start feeling sick knowing I need to eat and find a decent, healthy option and hurry & down it.  Today it was a banana and another time I took a string cheese, wrapped 2 pieces of turkey around it, took a bite with a wheat thin.  It actually was really good.  I hate water.  It makes me sick.  Even my favorite Crystal Light makes me want to puke thinking about drinking it.  Let's just say....it's gonna be a LOOOONNG time until 16 weeks.  That's usually when in previous preg it eases off.  I've been trying to work out but lately we've been crazy busy and getting things done that I didn't work out this week but as of last Friday I was exactly the same and have only gained 3 lbs.  I'm trying hard to eat healthy & be active.  One of the days I was working out while eating carrots because I was so sick.  It was crazy. 
Hadi's room got switched over to be the baby room & she now is in Jaycee's room in a Big Girl bed.  They both love it!  Things are well.  AND....I got my drugs----ZOFRAN!!! 

Questions!

Saturday, 9th was the day I officially found out we were expecting.  Things had to change.  Mostly just taking care of myself better, eatting better, work outs not as hard, limiting my caffeine intake, prenatals....and on and on.  I still was in disbelief but sure enough after taking a 2pk of First Response Sunday & Monday-we def are preggers!  I called the office on Monday and tell them and they schedule me for a "take in" nurse.  Pretty much an apt to get all the information and a plan.  After the call I was frustrated that they didn't even seem to care that I had taken provera, how far I am, etc. etc.  I called back to talk to the nurse and later that day my doctor herself called me.  I was so impressed by this.  She had remembered me and our appointment and congratulated us like 3 times during our 5 minute conversation.  She also informed me that provera is safe as long as it's not taken the entire pregnancy.  (sigh of relief)  We have no idea on how far along I am just that on 10/22 we had a negative blood test, but then she did tell me that it happens more often than not.  I also told her how on provera (past 3-4 weeks) we weren't "doing anything" so there's no way it happened during that time.  So obviously on my 10/21 appointment I was in fact pregnant.  Just not enough HCG to detect.  ***We all remember Hadi's experience***  (ugh doctors!)   http://nossonenedoce.blogspot.com/2011_04_01_archive.html     
So I guess first step was the appointment on Friday 11/15 and she wanted me to schedule a U/S with her week of Thanksgiving. 
Friday came quick!!!  Craig took the morning off and we took our girls with us.  I heard this appointment was good for him to come & listen.  Well the nurse calls us back and says...Oh only 2 of you can come.  Um-okay....so leave the kids?!!  Irritating.  I took Jaycee in with me.  Craig stayed out with hadi for about 20 minutes.  So much for him getting all the information.  She then went to schedule me my u/s and wanted to wait until after Thanksgiving!!!  NO WAY!!!  I told her we were most likely going to Utah so we wouldn't be around so somehow she got me squeezed in to Monday, November 25.  Yay.  The rest of the appointment was blood work & urine and done.  I felt so bad Craig wasted a morning off but was glad he was with me for the kids to watch.  He really wants to come on the 25th and we are crossing all our fingers & toes that there's a heartbeat--just one please.  And to find the due date.

Since then I've been a little crampy and had a tiny bit of spotting but nothing to be alarmed of.  My craving to this point if you can't tell is avacados & guacamole.  I feel like I can't get enough.  My favorite lunch is a turkey sandwich-just turkey & avacados on it.  Otherwise nothing really sounds good.  I don't like to eat.  I'm not really sick but just the thought of food & eating makes me kinda nausea.  I know it's weird.  With my other pregnancies it would get to a point that if I didn't eat I'd get so pukey.  This is different.  I can go without eating and I don't get sick for a long time.  But then it hits hard.   There's only been one day that I've felt really queesy-today in fact.  Took a zofran.  I'm extremely tired.  Last night I was out by 10:30 and slept in until 9:30.  Wow.  Jaycee is soo amuzed about mommy's baby and likes to look at my magazines & books and ask tons of questions.  Hadi likes to touch my tummy and then she in turn thinks there's a baby in her tummy.  She's gonna have a rough adjustment.  Craig is excited I think-he doesn't say much except he feels bad he doubted his strong feeling.  Which if this feeling is correct-we know what we're having.  I think he's excited but it's hard to have too much emotion when there's still so many questions.  The only other ppl that know are keeping it a secret and are my support system to talk to about things.  I'm still working out and hoping to keep my weight gain minimal.  I've been really good at choosing better options of fruit & carrots-all other veggies make me want to puke thinking about eating them.  Obviously I'm still wearing my pants but have to push them down so the button isn't right around my middle tummy.  There's def a baby pooch.  I'm sure if I wear a really tight shirt, close friends who know me would be able to tell.  Otherwise. I try to hide it.  I'm moody.  I'm emotional.  I have SO many thoughts running through my mind about baby.  It's just not real I think to me until I see that little one on the screen.  Until then I'll lay on my couch, take a nap, watch a show & enjoy my guacamole on a hot dog  (LOL not really but the other day this sounded so good to me)

NOPE!!

Well it officially hit 70 days of nothingness and decided to go to the dr to get my blood drawn.  October 21 was the day and also my sweet niece was born!  The doctor was so fabulous and I'm excited to have her as my doctor.  We went over so many things & questions...pee came back negative.  The best was when she asked "do you feel pregnant"  honestly, yes I did but was it just mental?  She did do an exam both internal and external and made a comment about my uterus but don't remember what she said.  The game plan was if NEG blood test then starting Provera the next day to get going again.  The next day...nurse called....negative test.  I had a feeling that was going to happen.  I didn't know what to believe. If I was, if I wasn't.  Who knows?!  I started Provera 10-22 for 7 days.  The first day it made me SOOO sick.  It was like morning sickness all day.  The whole week was just rediculous and boy I was moody.  I had read online that Provera can take up to 3 weeks to get started after taking & also to "prevent" while on the pills.  My dr didn't tell me any of this but to be careful we didn't do anything. 

Friday, Nov 8 came.  Throughout the week I was guessing why I hadn't started STILL.  I didn't understand how my always normal body is being so wacked out.  But I still assumed we weren't pregnant although I was still having symptoms mainly being soo tired.  This night (8th) we had a yw activity.  I had worn a tight white shirt with a puffer vest over it.  As we were cleaning up the church I went to get a broom and walked into a closet full of stank!!!  I seriously about gagged!!!  My friend was cleaning up too and we were talking about how I hadn't started and what the heck was going on.  I also asked her if that closet stunk to her.  She was confused and didn't smell a thing.  SIGN 1    Then I get home and take off my vest and tell Craig-look at my stomach (and I weighed myself this morning and lost 2 pounds that week with only working out 3 days) So I had only gained 2 pounds since the summer.  This was not my typical stomach-"doesn't that look like a baby pooch!!!"  SIGN 2    We had ate soup for dinner at 5:30 about and it was 11pm and I was STARVING!!!  In fact, all week there were times that I felt so hungry and even woken up in the middle of the night a few times  SIGN 3     Then I ask, ...Craig, how strong was your feeling?  "I've never had that strong of feeling and assurance except when I knew we were to be married"   SIGN 4   
The next day we took my neighbor out to lunch for a girls' pampering day-she's due anyday-one girl mentioned guacamole and instantly I looked for the exact sandwich to order that.  And it came with a side pickle.  Mmmmmm    SIGN 5      Saturday after lunch thing we were headed to the mall.  It was about 5pm and I could hardly keep my eyes open while driving there.    SIGN 6          
That night after the mall I asked Craig to take me to the $$$ store to get mailers.  While at the checkout the little tests were screaming my name.  I slipped one in the bag.  No one knew.  I get home, pizza is on the table but I just have to take that test!!!  I rush in the bathroom, get the pee, put the test on the toilet and walk out to wait-they take 5 minutes.  About 1 minute later Craig goes in the bathroom.  DON'T GO IN THERE!!! I yell.  He was confused and saw what I was talking about.  As he was walking out I was ready to face the shame-he makes fun of me for buying so many tests (in my defense it had been since the neg blood test since I did one)  I say, "Please don't say there are 2 lines"  Craig-"Um, there's 2 lines"!!!!  NO WAY!!  I run in there-sure enough.  2 PINK LINES   DEF PREGNANT.  Dollar Store test with 8pm at night and bright & clear as can be.  Now what?!!!!

PREGNANT?!!!

When Hadley turned 1 my bc ended and we made the decision to not renew it.  I found it a waste of time to go into the dr and get a new one for only being on it for 4 months.  At this point I had an idea of April was a good time to start trying again.  Well as April came my opinion changed and I was in limbo of what our plan was.  So the plan I had was to have NO PLAN.  Jaycee & Hadi were both kinda stressful when it came to finding out if I was pregnant and when the month would end with no baby I would be sad.  I now felt so content with my 2 little girls and 2 dogs that even a 3rd was a question although I knew deep down our family wasn't finished.  So I decided since I felt content that we weren't going to "try" but also not going to "prevent"  When that time would come I got my hopes up for a baby but when AF came I was okay with that and went on with no problem.  I wish I was like that with the other 2.

We really don't care if we have another girl and a boy would be fantastic too.  I found things online as a joke about how to get a boy from diets to other things.  It was kinda a joke but we did try a few things....haha.  We will see.

My last cycle was Aug 14.  I'm a very regular girl of about 30 days.  So when Sept 13th came,  I bought and took a few tests-Dollar Store greatness.  Both negative.  I decided to wait a few days and try a "good one" and bought an off brand but maybe better than the dollar store---negative.  By Sept 21st came it was frustrating!!!  No AF in sight yet no + test either.  I decided to go on as if I weren't.  That night Craig told me he had a spiritual experience at work that we were pregnant and so I hold on to that feeling when I get down with more negative tests.  I really am okay with not being pregnant yet, but at least tell me a yes or have AF come.  Seriously.  So Wed. Sept 25th came and yup, no period.  If I'm preggers this marks week 6.  I knew that the coming week would bring more symptoms so I'm on the look out.  The next 6 days brought another negative test but also brought sleepiness, different times of feeling nausesa, plenty of mood swings-Craig can atest to that-poor guy, bloating feeling that I can't let my pants be too tight cuz it makes me feel sick and today have sore ta-tas .  So even though Mr. HPT says Negative, my body & Craig's feeling say Positive.  So I guess we'll see what the next days & week bring.  Hopefully a +!!!!!  Tomorrow is Wed and Craig's parents are coming so I hope nothing too drastic so it's not obvious as we like to keep it a secret.  Also it'll mark Week 7.  Keep posted for more fun

Yes, I'm STILL pregnant.
39 weeks today (according to the latest of the 3 due dates I've been given)

I feel huge. I get contractions, especially when I'm walking my miles and miles. I feel nausea a lot lately. My feet hurt a lot. I officially have cankles.  My fingers are so swollen.  I go pee at least 20 times a day, when most the time I get the sudden urge and maybe a teaspoon comes out.  I'm craving oranges & tangerines.  I haven't gained any weight in the last 4 weeks.  I've cried.  I've tried to relax and not think about the big change about to happen.  I've cleaned.  All my maternity clothes are officially tight! 

Please, Please, Please baby girl give mommy a break and come out SOON! 

I'm 38 weeks!

So I've officially have tried getting this baby out!
Eggplant---check!
Walked briskly 8 miles so far this week---check!
Frisky Business---check!
Spicy Food---check!
Pineapple---check!


Therefore......          I.GIVE.UP

She'll come on her own.  Obviously she's too comfy or she just needs 5 more minutes---ha ha.

37 1/2 weeks!

So according to whatever due date you go by...considering I've been given 3!.....we're reaching 38 weeks the next couple days.  Wowsers.  The 30's flew by!

Yesterday was another dr appointment.  It didn't go very well, but I'm sick of complaining so whatever.  The good news is we had another ultrasound and the baby belly, fluids and placenta are all looking fine and "right where they should be!"  I didn't get to see Dr. B so I was bummed and the other dr didn't even "check" me so I have no idea how progressed I am.  She did tell me that since I am to term, I can have her whenever.  She suggested going for brisk walks.  Done!  Yesterday when I got home from the apt I went on my 2 mile walk and it hurt!  I had contractions going on the whole time but I didn't want to stop.  I just breathed through them and hurried home.  We went out to dinner to Olive Garden (my last time before the baby comes) and my contractions were about 7 minutes apart, but they weren't getting more intense so I knew it wasn't labor.  I even had them while falling asleep last night.  But I woke up to another morning, still large in baby, and all the movement had stopped.  I waited for Jaycee to wake up and we went for another walk.  It wasn't as bad today and probably only had 3 through the walk.  I'm planning on doing these walks everyday until she decides to make her appearance.  It really hurts because I want to waddle because of the pressure, but if I waddle I don't go as fast.  So it's pretty painful on my feet and lower back and pelvis...but I can take it.  I'm tough! 

I got another present from another special person and it was an adorable dress and some cute little onsies.  I plan on putting pictures up to show how cute these gifts are.  Girls are so much fun!  So thank you for the gift! 

Don't forget to do the baby poll on my other blog ParkersGoEast.Blogspot.com 

36 1/2 weeks!

Weekly appointments with the doctor started today....Ick...so do not like that feeling!

We started off with the ultrasound.  I really like the techs that do it.  They are super friendly.  The results came back that my fluids are still low but not too concerned about; the baby is measuring great and supposedly weighing at 6lb 7oz; the babe has lots of hair; and pretty much right on track!  Yay for great news.

After the U/S I headed in for the appointment with the doc.  I was a little nervous because I've never had a male doctor and especially one that's not half bad looking.  So he came in and measured my tummy and got the heartbeat.  We had good conversations about life and about moving.  Then he had the nurse come in to get a culture to test for Strep B.  I had it with Jaycee so we'll see if it shows up again.  Then he lubed up and went in...ha ha.  Sheesh I hate that feeling.  And I swear his whole fist and arm was up there.  He said my cervix is still long and the head is still up so pretty much I haven't even dilated yet.  I was a little shocked cuz at this point with Jaycee I was a 1+ and already started thinning.  So that was pretty much the apt and I go in again next Tuesday.  Once I reach 37 weeks I may have to speed things up a bit cuz I don't really want to deal with all this for a whole 3 more weeks...especially knowing today that she's weighing fine and looks good.

Th e NST went perfect and lasted a whole 25 minutes.  It probably helped that I ate a banana before I went in so she was really active.  I was excited though because they put me in the labor & delivery room.  They're super nice and a nice size.  Not like that matters since it'll just be Craig and I. 

And to end a quick thank you to a special person for the cute, cute, cute dress and PJs!  I'm so excited for her to wear that dress and to make a bow for it too :)  So thank you---you know who you are :) 

35 1/2 weeks!

Wow where did that last week go?!!!

Well things are getting close and physically I can tell.  Probably since Sunday I've been getting really bad Braxton Hicks that are super uncomfortable.  Most the time I don't mind them but this week they are hurting more.  It feels as though he head is just nudging to come out.  I even have a hard time sitting because of the position of her head clear down.  I find it's best to lay on my side or try to readjust her.  Also it's to that point that it takes me a minute to get up and down and my walking is getting uncomfortable and the waddle starts happening.  ha ha.  And let's not even talk about sleep....I love my sleep but super frustrating that I can NOT get comfortable at all.  I have 4 pillows and a body pillow and still not comfy.  I find that I'm not enjoying sleeping and just want to be awake doing things and getting everything ready.  I'm sure I'm nesting and Craig thinks it's funny.

Last Friday I went for my first NST and it went very smooth.  I absolutely love the hospital I'm delivering at.  It's so nice and the nurses are awesome, very informative, and so friendly.  The rooms are so big and I will be giving birth in the same room as recovery.  I'm excited about that.  When I arrived for the NST I thought it could take a while which ppl have told me, but luckily I ate before I came so the baby was so active.  They hook me up to a machine that has her heart beats and every time I feel her move I just push a button.  Well she wasn't a fan of having the things on my stomach that she kept kicking them.  That's good though because that's the point of the test to make sure she's okay and moving.  It only took 30 minutes from being set up and done.  I kinda liked the "me" time and it was relaxing to focus on this baby.
I went again today and we had the U/S first.  They measured my fluids, checked out my placenta, looked for blood flow from the umbillican cord, and also watched her belly to look for breathing.  She did great!  Everything looked fine.  My fluids have dropped a little since I had my last u/s 2 weeks ago, but they didn't seemed worried.  I go back next Tuesday for another one where they'll look at the same things and also do a few measurements.  After the U/S I headed up for my NST.  I was joking to Craig the other day that it'd be funny if she had hiccups because that would mean I'd be pushing that button so much.  Well....she did.  The nurse came in after 5 minutes and looks at the paper and I had to explain that there were so many marks because of hiccups.  I was only there for maybe 20 minutes.  Hiccups is a good thing though cuz it's showing she's getting fed and breathing.  My nurse today was really great too.  She gave me a lot of information about having my 2nd baby and info about labor.  Also told me that the 2nd baby usually is faster than the first baby.  So looks like I'll be heading down to the hospital right as my contractions are regular because I'd hate to have a baby on the side of the road.  And the hospital is 25 miles away.

So overall it was good visits and things are progressing.  I've also noticed more "mucus" so that's a good sign that we're getting close.  I'm going to set up a baby poll for fun to see what everyone's guesses are.  Just for some info: I've been told my due date is Dec 16, 17, 23 and today 15.  So that's should help with your guesses.  I can't wait until the big day arrives.  Yahoo!

34 1/2 weeks!

Another week almost done and another doctor visit done.

I had Craig come to my visit so we could talk to Dr. B about the ultrasound we just had since we knew they wanted us to come back.  I really like how when we come to our visits we hardly have to wait and I've come to really like the front desk girl and the nurse.  I was glad they were working today.  My blood pressure was awesome at 110/62 and I only gained 2 pounds.  Craig joked that it was great because of all my water.  He thinks it's funny how much water I drink.

So Dr. B comes in and we start talking.  He had an intern with him so the intern read the results from the ultrasound report.  The report had said my fluids looked better but were still low and recommends that "more fluid intake"  When the intern read that, Craig started laughing and we had to explain to Dr. B why we were laughing.  I'm drinking about 12-16 cups of water a day and that's not counting any extra fluids that I drink!  So don't worry...my fluid intake is fine.  It also talked about the "belly" that the doctor in Bangor seemed so concerned about.  Dr. B explained why...I guess the baby's measurements of her bones and head are not matching up with her belly.  Which comes back to my placenta.  Meaning it might not be giving her all the nutrients or blood to grow proportionately.  With knowing that, it means my placenta could most likely "give out" which if that happens the baby will need to come out since it won't be doing anything for the baby.   We did explain to him that we didn't like going up to Bangor, we felt they don't respect our time, and I was NOT a  fan of the doctor.  Dr. B completely understood.  So instead of going up there I will now have my u/s done in the office and it won't have to be these long big u/s every time.  So pretty much for the next 5 weeks I will be spending LOTS of time at the hospital/office.  I will now go every Tues for an U/S in the office to measure my low amniotic fluid, appointment with the dr, and then over to the hospital for Non-Stress Tests.  Then every Friday I go again to the hospital for Non-Stress Tests.  So Yes I will be driving to Waterville Every Single Tues & Fri.  The stress tests will show if there's any problems with my placenta and changes with the baby. We feel really good about doing what's necessary to make sure the baby is okay and that the fluids & placenta keep working. 

I feel very grateful for Craig's job today!  If I were working I don't know how I'd be able to go in 2x a week and my tues apt are most likely going to take a couple hours.  Also I feel very grateful that he can work from home those days so that Jaycee won't have to come with me.  I'd be fine with her coming but they said the NST could take anywhere from 30 min to 2 hours.  Just depending on the baby.  I have no idea how I would occupy her that whole time and make sure her needs are being met with me being hooked up to a machine.  At Craig's previous job there's no way he could take off that much work or let alone work from home.  So thank you again Kleinschmidt for being so family friendly, having good insurance, and for letting my hubby work from home.

I also decided that once 37 weeks comes around, with all that we've been through with this pregnancy, we want her out!  Craig even joked today that he's buying me eggplant!  I told him we have to wait until after Thanksgiving so we can have a good holiday with family.  So bring on that eggplant, walks, jumping jacks, spicy foods and whatever things in 3 weeks so I can get this baby out and in my arms where I can take care of her better.

U/S Update

Well I headed up to Bangor, Yet Again!, for the 3rd time for another ultrasound.  I don't mean to sound negative, but it's so frustrating! 

I went up the past 2 times by myself so Craig could just work from home and watch Jaycee.  I got there right on time and they didn't have my chart and asked if I had pre-registered.  AND, in fact I did the day before.  I learned my lesson the last time I didn't because I had to wait about 20 min for them to get my paperwork ready.  So I sat in the waiting room, by myself for.....45 MINUTES!!!!  I was really frustrated because there was no one waiting and 2 ppl had left.  Finally, they call me back.  The tech spent about 20 minutes doing a few measurements.  She was done so I got ready and waited for "their dr" to come in.  WHICH BY THE WAY, I'm NOT a fan!  She comes in and says...your fluid looks better (which is why I was supposed to go up again) but NOW I'M CONCERNED WITH THE BELLY.  WTF!  The dr says "She's not growing like I'd like"  Remember this is my 4th ultrasound and every time the belly has been fine.  So I had to get back up on the bed while she looked again.  As she's looking she says...I'm gonna need to see you again next week because of the belly.  (She weighed at this point 4lb 4 oz)  Then she says...and I'll need to see you the week after to measure your fluid again.  ....Wait a second...you said it looked better!  Then she questioned me if I've been drinking my water!.....K LADY.....I DRINK AT LEAST 12 CUPS A DAY!!!!!!!  So pretty much I was irritated and now convinced they just want my money.  When I got home I checked online and at 34 weeks (which I was only 33 1/2) the baby should weigh 4lb 12 oz.  So because she's a whole 8 oz. lower she's all concerned.  You've gotta be kidding me!  And since when were the u/s accurate with the weight of the baby.  So pretty much I have my 2 week apt on Tues with MY DR and Craig's coming with me to talk to him about not going back.  It just seems like every time I go up there they tell us the same thing and it's not like we can do anything about low fluids.  So we'll see what he says on Tuesday.  Also when we go in I'm going to talk to him about him delivering the baby, and getting my 36, 37, 38, 39 40 week apt scheduled since we'll be going weekly.  I'm really looking forward to holding my little baby girl and also for being done with dealing with these incompetant doctors!  The end!